The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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