hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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