Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
