I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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