life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sext me about skeletons
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
