Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
is wine microwaveable?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
