i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
