Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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