Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
