I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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