woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
