were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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