I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
