The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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