it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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