umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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