I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
