I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
