I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
