there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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