Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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