I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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