Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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