I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
