Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
