You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Barsexuality is the new black.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
