i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
