is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
