You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
