my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize