I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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