You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
