Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize