Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
