Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
