so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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