I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying