Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
