This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
