Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
