Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It was kinda weird being the boss

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  Did you feel like Tony Danza?

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  (540): It was kinda weird being the boss (1-540): Did you feel like Tony Danza? http://tfl.nu/xn58
  Replies (1) Good night (1770) Bad night (676)
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  (310): View more from California

  Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  b/c u have herpes

  (310): View more from California

  No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.

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  (310): Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss? (770): b/c u have herpes (310): No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole. http://tfl.nu/unxh
  Replies (19) Good night (1174) Bad night (5673)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."

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  (614): If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers." http://tfl.nu/20g9
  Replies (6) Good night (1820) Bad night (660)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.

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  (920): i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth. http://tfl.nu/8x3w
  Replies (58) Good night (901) Bad night (2899)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once

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  (251): i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once http://tfl.nu/k6sm
  Replies (52) Good night (4995) Bad night (1307)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.

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  (817): just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing. http://tfl.nu/3pw8
  Replies (18) Good night (6019) Bad night (751)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

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  (228): He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good" http://tfl.nu/hwu1
  Replies (33) Good night (6931) Bad night (1300)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck

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  (+44): it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck http://tfl.nu/0y2l
  Replies (6) Good night (2120) Bad night (608)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.

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  (701): Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client. http://tfl.nu/dueq
  Replies (6) Good night (1821) Bad night (557)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'

  (661): View more from California

  The cougar kind?

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  (703): WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?' (661): The cougar kind? http://tfl.nu/8tir
  Replies (12) Good night (1644) Bad night (501)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...

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  (905): I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply... http://tfl.nu/4d3r
  Replies (2) Good night (700) Bad night (312)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.

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  (404): I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/w6a6
  Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (527)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.

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  (610): last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation. http://tfl.nu/i7r0
  Replies (4) Good night (537) Bad night (421)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic

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  (508): He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic http://tfl.nu/r3d6
  Replies (0) Good night (527) Bad night (239)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.

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  (479): I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience. http://tfl.nu/fk3c
  Replies (2) Good night (412) Bad night (173)

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