i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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