So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
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I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder