On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?