i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.