what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.