Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.