I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.