So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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