I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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