glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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