so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
