I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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