i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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