I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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