So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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