Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
