you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
