I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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