I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
