Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
