His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
