Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
