From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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