hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
