Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
