Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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