I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
