too bad you live with your parents still
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
