sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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