the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my phone needs a breathalizer
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
