I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.