I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis