He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.