Whod you bang
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I spit up blood this morning
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong