Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out