if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
