Texts From Last Night

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  (424): View more from California

  you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain

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  (424): you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain http://tfl.nu/zpba
  Replies (3) Good night (888) Bad night (1685)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out

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  (612): Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out http://tfl.nu/cyb8
  Replies (45) Good night (5553) Bad night (1021)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?

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  (301): do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning? http://tfl.nu/rfsi
  Replies (55) Good night (4848) Bad night (502)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.

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  (440): I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit. http://tfl.nu/ddzq
  Replies (7) Good night (985) Bad night (3064)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments

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  (954): It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments http://tfl.nu/zq97
  Replies (15) Good night (4387) Bad night (1365)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.

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  (860): once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore. http://tfl.nu/0b2i
  Replies (19) Good night (829) Bad night (5675)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm

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  (904): the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm http://tfl.nu/rl73
  Replies (10) Good night (2438) Bad night (1051)
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  (408): View more from California

  I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.

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  (408): I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation. http://tfl.nu/jzil
  Replies (6) Good night (1381) Bad night (792)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.

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  (505): There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city. http://tfl.nu/w5w1
  Replies (8) Good night (2239) Bad night (615)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."

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  (615): I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do." http://tfl.nu/0gsj
  Replies (8) Good night (3658) Bad night (978)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.

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  (618): An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name. http://tfl.nu/g5lt
  Replies (5) Good night (2412) Bad night (625)
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  (518): View more from New York

  We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer

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  (518): We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer http://tfl.nu/x68v
  Replies (2) Good night (1466) Bad night (438)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.

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  (438): Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up. http://tfl.nu/g79y
  Replies (4) Good night (1365) Bad night (683)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.

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  (217): I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times. http://tfl.nu/aihm
  Replies (0) Good night (678) Bad night (456)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.

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  (330): If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest. http://tfl.nu/8ghs
  Replies (2) Good night (638) Bad night (186)

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