Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and i looked up. we had an audience...
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday