I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
