I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
