He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
