The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
