You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
