They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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