haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
