So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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