i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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