Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
