I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
