the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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