I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
