Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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