All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize