i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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