BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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