we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my shit smells like andre
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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